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Last Christmas was the worst ever.
A few days before Christmas my Golden Retriever, Rosie, was ill and we had to rush her to the vets. She was diagnosed with cancer. My whole family were totally devastated. We were given medication to give to her to help her get through Christmas.

However, on Christmas day her condition deteriorated fast and we knew her time was up, she was no longer eating and struggled to get up from her bed. I spent the lead up to Christmas and the whole of Christmas day not able to eat much and I was constantly in tears. I spent the whole day laying next to her on her bed. During Christmas night through to boxing day we took turns sitting up with her and just stroking her so that she knew someone was there with her. One of my other dogs, Dottie, who is six spent a lot of the night laying next to her which was the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

At 6am I went downstairs to sit with her and we then collectively made the decision to take her to the vets. After I sat with her for a while longer we said our final goodbyes and carried her out to the car. She passed away peacefully on the way to the vets.

It was so difficult for me and it's a hard thing for others' to get their head around but she was like my best friend. It was also hard to explain how I felt to some of my friends because it felt like I seemed quite pathetic for being so devastated. I hesitated to write this post for so long because even after several months it was still incredibly raw and any little thing that reminded me of her made me burst into tears.

So it's been almost a year. A year since she passed away. A lot of the time it felt like I wouldn't get over it. However, I slowly came to terms with the fact that she was around 12 years old. Sadly she would pass away at one point or another. I managed to find comfort in the fact that she wasn't ill for a huge amount of time, she passed away peacefully and thankfully didn't suffer.

Something that really resonates with me is something that the lovely Lily Melrose said in a post about grieving. Something along the lines of 'When someone dies know that they didn't stop loving you, they will continue to love you even though they are no longer here.'

As I said I know this post is not relevant for me anymore but it was a significant time in my life and I just felt like documenting it.

I hope you all have the most amazing Christmas and I'll see you tomorrow with a Christmas Day OOTD. I wanted to post this now because every post from now on will be positive and happy. See you soon x

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The blogger

The blogger
Shani Coles // 22 // Northamptonshire




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